shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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