Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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