I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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