Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
