ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
