I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
