do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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