She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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