well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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