good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
