Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
