i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
