So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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