Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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