All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
