omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think my moral compass just broke
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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