How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
