Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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