Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
