im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
