I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
