whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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