Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
