I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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