i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
