started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
