So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
4 words: hood of his car
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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