Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
