I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
