oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
