I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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