dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
