We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
