Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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