I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
