Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
