and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's the barista slut.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
