The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
