so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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