she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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