I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
