When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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