He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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