he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
