it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
