I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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