Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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