its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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