I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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