Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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