is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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