Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
