yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
