Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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