i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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