I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize