btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
