She said her name was "party"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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