Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
