I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Randomize
