Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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